And then I saw her car.
We decided to run to Meijer late one night, and, *gasp*, her car was full of Twinkies. Twinkies? I could see Snickers for the "protein" or those Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Nut granola bars because they say "nature" on the box, but the Twinkies: those things really caught me off guard. I mean, according to the internet, Twinkies contain cellulose gum, an ingredient also found in rocket fuel. I didn't care that she was eating junk food. Twinkie on, good people. It just seemed entirely counter to the lifestyle she had built. We both laughed about her backseat Twinkie stash, and she merely remarked that she loved Twinkies but found she didn't eat as many of them when she had to walk to her car to retrieve one or two. Using this logic, I should move my pantry across the street and put my treadmill in front of my TV.
In many instances, the way we look on the outside--our appearance and habits and the things we say-doesn't match the way we look on the inside. Outwardly we may look confident, even hubristic, but on the inside, we're hopelessly insecure. On the outside we may look like the mom who has it all together with the new (to you) minivan and the Britax and the gDiapers and the Kate Spade diaper bag, but inside we're exhausted and empty. We've all had that moment where we feel disjointed, where the outside looks or feels different than the inside and we're not sure what to do about it.
Last Sunday Dirk preached on a story about Jesus eating in Pharisee's home where the meal was meant to test rather than to nourish. The Pharisee was interested to see how Jesus would wash his cup before using it, because there were two camps of cup washers in Jesus' time, and the Pharisee wanted to know which teaching Jesus would follow. Jesus, of course, followed neither of them, and then he rebuked the Pharisee for his test of piety. Jesus said, "You Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness" (Luke 11:39). On the outside we look confident, even hubristic, or like we have it all together, but on the inside, we're a mess.
Our challenge over the past week was to peer into our cups and see what's in there, and then to pour it out at the foot of the cross. This task turned out to be much more challenging than I had expected. In fact, it's the reason why this "Midweek" writing is coming to you on Saturday night. On the surface, my cup was pretty mellow. Just a little negativity and judgement and impatience. But once I started pouring off the surface layers, I found that the middle layers were much thicker and sludgier. They were full of envy and discontent and a little malice, I think. I'm not sure that I've reaching the bottom layers yet.
This is the last Midweek Encounter for the summer. We're taking a little break for July and August and will be back in the fall. It's kind of a weird place to leave things--peering into a murky cup--but it's a good place, I think. Dirk wraps up the Kosher Jesus series tomorrow by showing us how to live as Christ intended us to live--with chutzpah and passion. I look forward to learning about how we can re-fill our cups with boldness and temerity even as we learn to empty the sludge at the cross.
See you in the fall,
Kristin
