How To Be a Friend Like Jesus

[The Midweek Encounter is a ministry of Encounter Church in Kentwood, MI. These posts are reflections on Sunday's message, which can be heard here each week: http://myencounterchurch.org/#/messages-media]

As a child, I loved books about the kind of friends who lived in the same neighborhood and walked and rode their bikes to each other’s houses. They had dinner at each other’s houses, made forts in each other’s backyards, played games both inside and out, and generally enjoyed being friends. These, I determined, were the kinds of friends I wanted to have. 

Photo Credit: Flickr User sloanpix, Creative Commons

It’s easy to focus on the good, fun parts of friendship. Some friendships may never get beyond that level, which isn’t entirely a bad thing—it’s good to have a variety of friends, as long as we know which ones are the ones we can trust with the larger matters of life. If relationships are going to be worth having though, we must also have the kind of friendships that form and shape us into better versions of ourselves—the kind that involve tough conversations where both people walk away a little frustrated, while at the same time knowing a good, holy thing just happened. As Proverbs 2:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We need to have people in our lives that are willing to engage in the sometimes awkward and painful work of showing us areas of our lives that aren’t reflecting Christ like they should be.

What we sometimes forget is that as important as it is to choose good friends who help us become better people, it’s equally important to be a good friend. Fortunately, the Bible gives us a great person to emulate when it comes to being a friend. His name is Jesus.

The actions of Jesus—his love, patience, kindness, grace, and more—are all important ingredients to being a good friend. We can’t expect people to extend those same things to us if we’re not willing to lavishly gift them to other people. Friendships need some measure of reciprocity, with each party giving and neither doing all the taking. It can be easy to spot when other people are doing all the taking in a relationship, but more difficult to see when we’re the ones taking more than is healthy. Just as Jesus was generous with his wisdom, love, and time, we need to be willing to be generous with our friends as well. 

Of course, another thing we learn from Jesus about being a friend is that he also wasn’t afraid to deliver the hard truths. Jesus knew the way for his friends to live better lives was for them to follow him, and following him meant acknowledging their sin. It’s never comfortable to have our shortcomings pointed out to us, but, when it’s done with the right attitude and in a fitting way, it can actually be an act of care. If our friendships are truly going to be the type that makes both parties better, we have to be willing to say the hard words when they’re needed. And, in turn, we have to be ready to accept those hard words when we need them.

Friendships like these aren’t born overnight, nor should they be. Not everyone needs to be invited into the deep corners of our lives. But I absolutely believe that everyone should have at least a friend or two who are invited into those messy places of our lives we often keep hidden. Making friends, especially these deep, meaningful, life-shaping ones, isn’t a slow or easy process, but a friendship is a relationship unlike any other, with its own unique value. They are more than worth investing time and energy into, because, when they’re good, both people will be changed for the better because of it. 

[Brianna DeWitt believes in Jesus, surrounding yourself with good people, and that desserts are best when they involve chocolate and peanut butter. She writes about faith, growing up, and whatever else pops into her head on her own blog, and tweets (largely about food) at @bwitt722.]