There are many reasons we may think we’re unqualified for God to use us. Sometimes it’s a matter of perception, like when I originally went to college with the intention of studying youth ministry, but ended up changing my major partly due to starting to believe the lie that what I had to offer students wasn't good enough. My own life had been so seemingly boring, my path to faith so unfraught with any kind of devastating events, that I felt like I couldn't relate to what the students would be experiencing. Or we might think we’re not educated enough talk about God to other people if we didn’t grow up in church or don’t have a seminary degree. Or we might think we’ve done way too much bad stuff for God to still love us and invite us to be a part of the work he’s doing in the world.
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| Photo Credit: Darius Sankowski |
While his conversion was immediate, it took a while for others to believe it was real and was going to “stick.” Over time though, the existing Christians recognized the work God was doing in Saul’s life and began to work alongside him. Saul never fully forgot about his past, and it’s unlikely that everyone he worked with was able to see beyond it either. In the letters he wrote to churches later in life, he refers to himself as “the worst of sinners.” But even though Saul recognized the importance of owning his sin, he also refused to let his past disqualify him from doing things differently in the future.
Our sins may not be the same as Saul’s. For us, it may be gossiping and judging others, refusing to admit an addiction, cheating on our schoolwork, failing to see the image of God in people who annoy us, ignoring our spouse in favor of someone who seems more interesting, cutting corners at work to make our coworkers look bad and ourselves look better, or any number of other sins that continue to plague us. Whatever they are, whatever “level of wrongness” we may view them as, God is able and willing to forgive them. We don't need to keep looking at our past when God is looking at our future. Despite Saul’s mistakes, he came to understand that who he was wasn’t defined by the man he saw in the mirror, but by the work that Jesus did for him. When we believe this too, our identity suddenly becomes not about what we have or haven’t done, but about who Jesus is and how he transforms us to be more like him.
The other ways we try to disqualify ourselves from God’s service fall flat too. We don’t need special training to tell others about what we’ve seen God do in our own lives, of the experiences of his love and grace and mercy that have transformed the way we work and play and live. Over time I realized that even my story of faith, while very different from someone like Saul’s, had value of its own, and it in no way meant I wouldn’t be able to relate to students or be used by God to speak into their lives. That’s the beauty of the kingdom of God--he can, does, and wants to use all people to accomplish his purpose. He sees the potential in everything, even when we can’t. With God, no sin is too great and no story is too small to be used.
[Brianna DeWitt believes in Jesus, surrounding yourself with good people, and that desserts are best when they involve chocolate and peanut butter. She writes about faith, growing up, and whatever else pops into her head on her own blog, and tweets (largely about food) at @bwitt722.]
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