I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know about Jesus. Growing up this way was an immense blessing in many respects, but leaves my answer to “Why do you follow Jesus?” feeling a bit flat. As a kid I followed him because that’s what my parents did and what I was taught to do at church and at school, and in those environments, it wasn’t a very difficult thing to do most of the time. I prayed, read my Bible, and tried to be nice to people. It was a seemingly simple matter to follow Jesus, yet the longer I did and the more serious about it I got, I came to realize it’s definitely not such an easy thing after all. To really mean it when I say I follow Jesus demands my life be arranged and lived differently than if I were merely living for myself, and learning to look more like Jesus is a process that’s never fully complete.
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| Photo by Tim Trad on Unsplash |
In Luke 22 we find we’re not the only ones who struggle to follow God well. After the Passover meal, Jesus took some of his disciples with him into the garden where he went to pray. Yet his disciples weren’t even able to stay awake while he prayed, even though Jesus had warned them against falling into temptation. Meanwhile, Jesus prayed, “Let this cup be taken from me.” I find those words so fascinating and so convicting. He knew he was about to accomplish the reason he came to earth. Yet while Jesus had the audacity to pray for something different than what he wanted to happen, he trusted his Father enough to know that those plans had to be accomplished and would ultimately serve the best possible purpose.
This is where we so often run into trouble. It’s not overly difficult to say we believe in God and we want to strive to follow Jesus in the best way possible. Suddenly though, when we’re faced with choices where God’s way doesn’t line up with our own, those words don’t come so readily. Perhaps, like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, we know saying yes to God will lead us to a place of deep pain, struggle, and anguish. Or maybe following God means continuing to say no to dreams we’ve held tightly for so long.
"Not my will, but thy will" are some of the hardest words we might ever say.
While it’s true following Jesus starts with one big decision, after that one, it involves many, many more. Every day, sometimes every hour or every minute, we’re faced with decisions of whether to obey our own will or God’s will. Those decisions may be obvious, or may be complex and hard to discern at first. When we dig deep, the core of our question is whether or not we truly believe following Jesus is worth it. Do we trust God to work out his purpose for us, even if it may not be what we want, or may not seem like it’s best for us? Or do we say we follow Jesus, while all the while doubting if he can really do what he says he can, for us, in our specific situation?
It’s nice to think these matters will eventually all get wrapped up tidily, as solid evidence we can point to and say, “God is good, because he did ________.” I love those kinds of stories, and they absolutely have to be told. Other stories have to be told as well though, the ones where God hasn’t wrapped things up tidily yet, and we don’t know if he ever will. In my own life, it’s looked like friendships that went wrong and I’ve never been able to figure out where or why. It’s looked like prayers prayed for years on end with absolutely no tangible answer. It’s looked liked dead ends to what I thought could be amazing opportunities. So my answer of why I follow Jesus isn’t based on big, flashy things he’s done in my life (though I’d argue the many small things add up to big ones), but on the basis of who he is and who he’s transforming me to become. Jesus trusted a plan that was bigger than his own, and the closer we follow him, the more we’ll learn the same.
