Making Decisions in a World of Grey

[The Midweek Encounter is a ministry of Encounter Church in Kentwood, MI. These posts are reflections on Sunday's message, which can be heard here each week: http://myencounterchurch.org/#/messages-media] 

Many decisions we make have simple, clear-cut answers if we’re striving to follow Jesus. To yell at the coworker who made an honest mistake, or to not yell? To cheat on the physics exam, or to not cheat on the physics exam? To lie to our spouse about how we spent money, or to not lie? These answers are, in most circumstances anyway, pretty black and white. They’re rarely the ones we spend a lot of time worrying about though. Decisions that eat up our worrying time are usually all sorts of grey, with any number of solutions that could be God-honoring. Where to go to college? When to have kids? Whether or not to take the new job? While we can be confident that God will use whatever situations our choices place us in, that confidence doesn’t provide much practical help in how to actually make the decision.

Photo Credit: Behr.com

In the story of King Rehoboam, we see a decision maker who started off in a good way. Instead of making a rash, rushed decision when the people came to him asking for a lighter workload, he told them to come back in three days and then sought counsel. First he asked the wisdom of the elders who had seen the country through difficult times in the past. Then, he decided to get a second opinion by consulting the men he had grown up with and who knew him well. Up to this point, Rehoboam was actually making pretty good decisions. It can be advantageous to get input from various types of people, maybe some who have a better understanding of the situation and some who have a really good understanding of us as a person.

Unfortunately, things went downhill from there. Instead of carefully weighing the input he had received from the elders and from his friends and then using that information to make the best possible decision, Rehoboam simply opted for the advice of his not-so-wise friends without considering the consequences. He didn’t just ignore the people’s request for a lighter workload, he did the exact opposite and gave them more work to do, as well as threatened them with whipping.  

As we seek wisdom from those around us, we have to remember that not all the input we’ll receive is equal. The older advisers had spent time with Rehoboam’s dad Solomon as he ran the country and had a good understanding of how the people worked and what they would respond well to. Rehoboam’s friends knew him well, but they clearly didn’t have his or the country’s best interest in mind with their advice.

Not everyone has deserves the right to speak into our lives or into a particular decision we’re trying to make. Building a strong community full of people with wisdom that can be trusted takes time and effort--it’s not something we should simply stumble into overnight. Inviting people into our lives and allowing them to see who we really are, even in our most unpleasant, unglamorous moments can be God’s way of shaping us into better versions of ourselves. True wisdom sometimes looks like letting trustworthy people who are striving after Christ help us at the times we need it most.  At the same time, if others seek our input, we must consider our words carefully, taking into account everything we know about that person and the situation they’re dealing with. It is a gift and also a weighty responsibility to be invited to speak into someone’s life. We must use our words to build up, encourage, and guide. Even wise people can inadvertently give advice that misses the whole picture.

Our decisions are ultimately our own, but there’s no reason we have to make them completely on our own. We can learn from Rehoboam’s mistakes and seek out wisdom from good places, and then truly take the time to consider it carefully and match it up with what we already know. Making decisions and trying to follow God’s will doesn’t have to be as grey and murky as we often make it, as long as we have put in the work ahead of time and have community around us to help guide us along the way.

[Brianna DeWitt believes in Jesus, surrounding yourself with good people, and that desserts are best when they involve chocolate and peanut butter. She writes about faith, growing up, and whatever else pops into her head on her own blog, and tweets (largely about food) at @bwitt722.]